Buyer Beware
On getting and spending
No, this isn’t an alert about a product or a service. It’s a warning to beware of buying. Impulsive buying. Indiscriminate buying. You-know-you-shouldn’t-but you-just-gotta kind of buying. Buying, buying, buying.
Those of us with ADHD are good at many things. Being financially responsible, typically, is not one of them. Research has demonstrated that we tend to have more problems with financial decision making and management than the average person and that women are more prone than men to have money woes as a consequence of ADHD. Studies suggest we’re four times more likely than others to be impulse buyers. I’m betting you didn’t need a study to tell you that.
We’re like kids at the candy displays at the check-out lanes in supermarkets—it’s there, right in reach, and we want it and think we have to have it. Others might pause and consider before grabbing some and tossing it in the cart, but we don’t have the filter that lets us ask do we really need it, can we afford it, is it good for us?
It’s taken me years of overspending and irresponsible credit card debt to learn to pay off my credit cards in full each month and not to spend beyond my means. But that doesn’t mean I don’t continue to overspend. I still buy more than I need and make mindless purchases, I just do it more or less within my budget. Well, no, who am I kidding? Of course I don’t have a real budget. What I mean is my spending probably won’t put me in debt or cause me to miss a mortgage payment or fail to pay my health insurance bill. I won’t find myself, as I did so regularly in my younger years, paying a fortune in overdraft fees or standing at an ATM that tells me it has nothing for me.
I honestly believe if I had all the money I’ve wasted on things I didn’t really need I’d be fabulously wealthy. For many, the money pit isn’t filled with the big things. It’s all the little things that add up, over years and decades, that keep us in financial chaos, prevent us from building wealth. It’s all the clothes in my closet I had to have and have never worn, the tap shoes that seemed like such a fun and whimsical purchase … and that I’ve put on exactly once. It’s the air fryer that I just had to have—the one I purchased several years ago and haven’t even taken out of the box.
Why do we do it? Our executive function doesn’t support good decision making. Our impulsiveness doesn’t let us resist temptation and makes instant gratification so incredibly attractive. And emotional dysregulation plays a role too. Spending is self-soothing—a way to cope with anxiety, strong emotions, and boredom. It brings a hit of dopamine and … later … a bigger hit of shame and regret.
What’s all this got to do with writers?
Let me answer this way. I have a folder brimming with videos, recordings, and transcriptions of classes I’ve purchased—dozens of them—most of which I’ve never looked at. And today I very nearly signed up for another. I’ve been a journalist for more than three decades, and yet each time I see a pitch class I consider it, even though I’m doubtful there’s much new that anyone can teach me about pitching.
We’re bombarded with enticements for classes and workshops and retreats and, yes, editorial services like those I provide. And while there’s tremendous value in many of those offerings, some of us have a trigger finger that tosses them into our shopping carts before we give it any thought.
On top of impulsivity, executive function deficits, emotional dysregulation, and the chase for dopamine, there’s also FOMO, imposter syndrome, and perfectionism, three saboteurs not unique to writers with ADHD. What if from that one class you see promoted on Instagram about finding an agent, for example, you’ll get that one genius tip that hasn’t been offered in the dozen other how-to-get-an-agent classes you’ve coughed up cash for? And that tip will make all the difference, right? Running through your head is the thought if I don’t take the class, I’ll never get an agent. We somehow believe that if we only learn the information that will be delivered in one more class, if we only make one more connection at yet one more retreat or conference, and if we only get one more manuscript polish from one more editor, we’ll feel legitimized, somehow more worthy.
As far as I know, there aren’t any quick fixes. ADHD coaches and therapists may be able to help. It’s easy to say look before you leap, but the truth is we really like leaping blind. It’s easy to say “Pause and think about it,” but if it were that easy, we probably wouldn’t have the problem in the first place.
Still, I like to advise potential clients to take a day or two or three to determine if they really need what I’m offering, and I think it’s good advice for all of us before we sign up for classes, workshops, retreats, conferences, and editorial services. During a brief pause you can consider whether the rewards are worth the cost and whether there’s a real necessity for what’s being offered. It may help to try to consider what you’re feeling as you whip out your credit card and begin to register for the next can’t-miss event. Are you acting out of anxiety or boredom? FOMO or imposter syndrome?
Having an accountability buddy can help with ADHD in so many ways, including impulsive spending. Make a pact with another writer, with or without ADHD, not to sign up for anything before discussing the opportunities that present themselves. Just that much pause can be enough to allow you make a better decision.
I won’t lie. There’s a good chance I’ll sign up for another class tomorrow. But I’ve made a pact with myself. When I’m tempted, I’ll fill out the registration form and promise myself not to hit send for 24 hours. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes, with ADHD, that’s enough.
Photo by Kelly Sikkim on Unsplash.com.
Need help developing your story? Guidance about crafting queries and proposals? Or strategies and workarounds for the challenges of writing with ADHD? Please get in touch to learn more about my editing and coaching services! If you need help managing the broader life challenges posed by ADHD, find a certified coach at ACO, CHADD, ADDCA, or PAAC.
Hi, you see me.
I'm learning so much from this Substack. Sometimes I think I could have been diagnosed with ADHD. Other times I think not. But I'm anything but an impulse buyer. That is, unless it's a book I may never get around to reading but just have to have because the cover is so lovely and the title is evocative and it's ON SALE!